Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
