I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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