Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
