4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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