They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
