i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
