did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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