clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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