My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think my tv is drunk
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
