Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
