she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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