I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
