is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think i have two assholes
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
