I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
