Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Randomize
