I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
