He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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