How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
