I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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