Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
