btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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