he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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