i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
