paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My ATM looks so different sober.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
