marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
