what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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