I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
