Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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