Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
