Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think my fart just growled at me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She swung at the pinata with crutches
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
