How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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