wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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