well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
