All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Success! We fucked roommates!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
