mondays should just be called national damage control day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
