well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
