Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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