meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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