I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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