non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
