I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
