Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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