Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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