No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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