i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
