You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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