Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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