It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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