I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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