I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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